HAYLEY SALES TALKS IT CAN'T BE CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU HERE
"This year has been terribly heartbreaking"
Daniel John
Far away I hear it now, Christmas time is back around. What was it that got you to sit down and write a original, great, Christmas song?
With this Christmas song, it was rather unexpected. I lost a dear, dear friend recently. It wasn’t anywhere close to Christmas. But all of a sudden, I thought about the loneliness, the emptiness of having a Christmas without him. The first sentences came first, and I could feel it. I felt like I was there. I knew I should keep going. And the song wound up becoming something incredibly fitting to what I know a lot of us are feeling this year. Separated, rather alone. When I put the pen down and looked at the lyrics, I realized, in writing it, I felt less alone. I told my team I wanted to head back into the studio to record it. Despite having just finished a twenty-tune record in March, which remains unreleased. We pulled the tune together rather quickly, performing most of it live. I tried to make sure every instrument gave me that feeling of sitting under the Christmas tree looking up at the lights, the ornaments, the nostalgia of it. I ramble on, but all in all, this song is about Christmas. About a Christmas alone, about a Christmas wishing that you were cuddled up on a couch opening presents and watching 'Elf' with your best friend, or the one that got away, a loved one you lost, the family you can’t be with. I have always been madly in love with the holidays. There’s something so romantic and fantastical, but I also know the holidays can be the hardest time of the year if you aren’t able to spend them with the ones you love. This song is about that moment after the party is over. You’re sitting alone. Looking back over the year. Thinking over everything. Swept away by the melancholy romance of it. And missing, with all your heart, that person that makes Christmas. The person that isn’t there. While it might seem like a sad song, I actually hope it inspires people to feel less alone. To know how many of us are feeling the same way.
I absolutely love it, can you often pull things together rather quickly and by feel like that?
So glad you like it! I often joke that I can’t write songs, or at least not on purpose. Whenever I try to sit down and write a song, it never works. Instead I find myself staring blankly at the piano, while my mind flies off into the trenches of self-doubt. It’s always when I least expect it. I’ll be on a run, doing dishes, listening to music, something will pop up in my head. A lyric, a melody, a chord, even just a feeling or a memory and then I know it’s time. I’ll run over to the piano or guitar and attempt to decipher what the song wants to say. And from that moment on, it tends to happen fast. But it’s all a feeling thing. I can feel when it’s done, or when something’s not right. I’ll sit there for hours if I need to until I get that feeling. But above all, if the song isn’t moving me, if the melody and the lyrics aren’t saying the same thing, I’ll let it go. I’ve gone years without writing. And I’ve also written hundred songs in a year. It’s so manic and unpredictable. But can’t ever be forced. I actually haven’t stopped producing or writing music since I was a teen. I’ve been legally prohibited from releasing music. Which has been heartbreaking, but only fueled my determination.
Why couldn't you release any music?
I finished a full album in 2016 with Verve. Unfortunately, my team left the company and my album wasn’t released. And I was not allowed the rights to buy it back.
Always having made pop that is very jazz-influenced and carries that Judy Garland-esque American songbook soul and ambiguity, you were already, even before this one, close to the atmosphere of Christmas music?
I’ve always loved Christmas music. I joke about it actually, I grew up madly in love with the 1940’s, the music surrounding the WWII era. Something about the romance of the melodies, the gorgeous structure of the chords, the shameless willingness to express vulnerability, and the rawness and realness of the singers who sang them. While I listened to this type of music all year around, most people only know it through Christmas music. It’s the best time of the year! Finally people listen to the music I grew up loving (laughs). We were recording my new album and at one point the engineer leaned over and said, “You just make me feel like it’s Christmas. I know it’s not a Christmas song but, I feel like I’m back home, I’m a kid drinking hot chocolate and looking up at the Christmas tree, the nostalgia of it.” It made me laugh a bit. The song could not have been less about Christmas. But I took it as an amazing compliment.
Do you have any special memory of Christmas to share?
I grew up the youngest of three kids in a battered-up Victorian home. My two older brothers are thirteen and seven years older than me. My mom jokes that she had preschoolers for seventeen years. I remember one Christmas, I must've been around the age of six. I woke up as dawn crawled over my windowsill, sprinted out of bed down the hall, nearly knocking down the tree as I dashed for the presents. I should add that by tree I really mean four branches from our backyard tied together with ribbon to look like a tree. My hippie mom has always had an eccentric way of doing things a bit differently. Santa Claus had brought me tap shoes. The only thing I’d had on my list. I was in love with Gene Kelly, with the musicals of the 1940s. And getting those tap shoes was like slipping on ruby slippers to a little girl. I started stomping away as loud as I possibly could. Here’s where I should add that my teenage brothers were sleeping downstairs in the basement. I remember them rushing up the stairs in shock, trying to figure out whether the house was falling down. I don’t think they will ever forget that Christmas, and neither will I. I’ve also managed to be dumped on Christmas four times! I must set some record on that one.
What can a good Christmas not be without?
Love…
Are you more a “I lay up awake and watch it snow” or a “Drinks and parties fills my night” kind of Christmas person?
A little bit of both, but during this pandemic I’ve definitely been a “laying up awake watching it snow”-person. Whether I want to be or not. I’m actually quite comfortable being alone, my mind keeps me quite busy (laughs). But I’m realizing this year how badly I miss my friends, my family, being able to give someone a hug and not think twice about it. I miss that.
With the way your work keeps you traveling in different places, you’re probably pretty used to having all sorts of different Christmases?
I learned quite early on how to take Christmas with me. Whether I was in a tiny hotel room in London, on a beach in Australia or pretending to be elves with my nieces on the farm in Canada, Christmas became much less about the place and much more about the feeling. But really, there's no place like home. Nothing can replace that. Your family. The tree. The lights. Watching 'Elf' way too many times. I miss that this year. I am sure a lot of us do, but I am determined to make it a good one (laughs).
Where are you spending Christmas this year?
While I have spent most of the year on my parents’ farm, in Canada, I actually will be spending Christmas in Minnesota this year. Likely, most of the time will be spent bundled up in parkas next to a fire since I have a superhero talent at managing to be cold in 75-degree heat.
What has the year been like for you?
This year has been really hard. The general sense of heaviness has really expanded to a whole other level. My anxiety has been close to unbearable. This was the year I was ready to go! To finally release my new record, finally tour, finally get my feet back on the ground after having the world swept away from under me. My life has been relatively “paused” since I lost my album to Universal Music in 2016, which by itself was heartbreaking. This year pushed me into a whole new level of grief and frustration. At one point, when I just couldn’t get out of bed, I realized I had to change the way I was looking at things. I had to find a way to be happy without anyone or anything else. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been an incredibly inspiring challenge. Really started to take nothing for granted. Gives you a whole other perspective on life, on your career. Doesn’t change anything as far as my drive or ambition, but it has forced me to accept the road there, not just the destination. As far as creativity goes, this year has been amazing! I hadn’t written any songs in five years, after losing my album. While quarantined on the farm, I sat down that the piano, terrified to even think about writing a song. Who would want to hear it? All of a sudden, all the feelings I’ve been experiencing, all the hurt and betrayal, just spurted out and onto the page and I wrote three new songs, 'Let Me Fall Apart', 'One Last Dance', 'Take the Morning', and 'It Can’t Be Christmas Without You Here'. I’m beyond lucky to have been quarantined at my studio. The moment I finalized the tunes, I went in and recorded them live. Thanks to the support of my amazing dad, my band, Michael Brauer, Joe LaPorta, and my phenomenal manager, we pulled them together. In some ways these songs are my favourite tunes off the new record, 'Ricochet'. Maybe everything does happen for a reason.
Are you missing the stage?
Terribly. This year has been heartbreaking. After spending the last five years in the recording studio, desperate to get back on stage, this was my year. I had tours planned, showcases planned, album releases planned. This year had other plans. As it did for all of us. The stage is my home. It’s where I am most comfortable. I cannot wait to get back on tour, to be able to perform for all of you again. There is nothing more elating that looking at the stage lights reflecting in the irises of the people in the front row. I truly can’t wait. Whenever I get really low, and this year it has been quite a lot, I’ll close my eyes and pretend I’m there, on the stage, looking out at a sea of gorgeous people who, for some reason, want to listen to me sing my songs. And for a moment, I am completely at peace.
What does having music mean to you in challenging times?
Everything. If I didn’t have music, I don’t know what I would do. Music has kept me alive, so many times in my life, and this year is no different. It’s the way I live my life, through my songs. When you’re listening to my songs, you’re basically taking a little tour through my heart, through my mind. I worry about the state of music right now. It’s quite removed. Perfected. Safe. As though the imperfection of humanity is removed, somewhere along the line by autotune, fifteen songwriters. Often the voices that need to be heard aren’t rising to the surface right now. They will, but it’s a strange time. I say this because I truly believe music has the power to inspire, console, connect us all. Good music does that, at least. Hearing an artist sing, truly sing, about something they are experiencing and realizing we are experiencing the same thing, it brings us closer, it makes us less alone. Art is of the upmost importance. I hope that society remembers that as we are moving further and further into a world that idolizes perfection.
You are also an actress, did you discover your love for acting as early as you did music?
Music and acting were my first true loves before I even knew I could make a career out of them. As a very little kid, I couldn’t stop singing and roaming around the house, swept away in some make-believe scenario. They’re quite different expressions of the same thing. Music is getting to tell your story. Acting is having the empathy to tell someone else story. I love them both equally. At five I asked my mom to enroll me in theatrical classes. I loved Shakespeare. I loved musical theatre. I loved it all. Before the age of sixteen I had taken part in over one hundred theatrical productions and plays.
Where do you think all of your creativity cames from?
I feel a lot. That’s not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. But I do. Ask anyone who knows me (laughs). I am a rollercoaster of feelings, and when I feel, I feel deeply. And I love madly. I don’t think I would be able to breath without expressing myself. And creativity, art, is the only way I know to do that. Art gives me a way to digest my feelings and my experiences. It opens the door into the darkest corners of my heart and by expressing what I find there, somehow makes me feel less alone. I must have come in with it. I started singing the second I could talk. I would run around outside for hours wrapped up in make-believe worlds spun together by my mind. In many ways, I live romance.
What was it like portraying Cable’s wife in ‘Deadpool 2’?
Absolutely a dream come true! One of the kindest sets I have ever been privileged enough to work on. Ryan Reynolds was incredibly friendly, and down to earth, as was everyone else on the set. Nothing but good things to say. Considering I played such a small role, no one ever treated me with any less respect, and that is the kind of stuff that sticks with you, all my love to that crew.
Since Disney acquired Fox, your character is now part of the Marvel Cinematic-Universe. Would you be interested in revisiting the role?
Well, I truly hope so! Keep tweeting about it. Maybe they’ll bring me back.
Are there any other dream roles out there for you. Maybe roles that could combine acting and music?
I have been working on several ideas for a film that would be a musical. To direct a movie that I’ve written and that I star in would be an absolute dream. Already schemed up the cast, aside from that I honestly just love to dive into stories, so being able to be a part of any good stories, that’s my dream.
Before we let the year just fall away, is there anything you would like to wish to everyone listening to ‘It Can’t Be Christmas Without You Here’?
Having you listen to my music, to this Christmas song, is literally giving me the courage to not give up and after years of legal battles and humbling losses, that means the world to me! I hope I can inspire you to not give up as well. To hang in there. This year has been terribly heartbreaking for all of us, in so many ways our lives have been frozen in place. I know mine has been. But we’re going to get through it. And I wish you as much love, happiness and peace as possible as we wrap up this crazy year. Whether you are with your family. Whether you are alone, wherever and however you are, just know you aren’t alone. And I cannot wait to meet all of you once I am allowed to hop back in that tour bus and come to your town.
